What is your perfect 'Nothing'?
We try to fill every hour of our day with things to do. Some important, but mostly not. We multitask aggressively and pride ourselves on it. Being busy even became a state of mind, and is way too often used as an answer to the question: how are you doing? The answer 'Busy!' is either given with a proud smile, or with anxious eyes. We even feel guilty when we aren't busy.
Even I worked two jobs and I was always busy with finding new things to do. I encouraged myself that this had to do with passion, nothing else. I believed that doing nothing was a waste of time. A typical day of mine would start at 6.30 in the morning and end after midnight.
Not surprisingly, this 'productive' routine of mine didn't last for very long.
A few years ago I got fired due to a financial setback. I remember I was extremely positive about it, took my loss as a grown woman and I just went looking for a new job.
3 months passed and I became really (financially) stressed. I was worried sick as I was about to lose my home. I humbly asked my parents if I could move back home for a while. They know me as a very independent woman, so their answer was no at first. They obviously thought, 'she is strong, she can handle it'. When I finally got a new job, I did not feel relieved at all. I felt even worse. My panic attacks became worse, I was dizzy all the time and I had constant headaches. I couldn't focus on my new job. Fortunately, my employer at that time was a very compassionate man who could relate to my state of mind and together we decided it would be better if I took a time-out. I was so thankful. Getting back on my feet financially was also way too hard after these past months. So eventually I moved back in with my parents. Suddenly..I had nothing to worry about, you'd think..
In this first fase, although these steps were necessary, I often asked myself, is doing nothing really going to help you? The answer was no. But why? Frustration came. What the hell do I do now? I've already let go all the things I worried about, I shoudn't be stressed anymore. Why am I feeling like this? So I went to therapy. In this period I also discovered yoga, and spent a lot of time just educating myself about the possible causes of stress and their solutions.
YOU NEED MORE SPACE TO BREATHE, NOT MORE THINGS TO DO.
It certainly doesn't help that busyness is considered as a measure of productivity and success-we allow ourselves to be bombarded with endless notifications, meetings and tasks, convincing ourselves that they're needed and have a place in our lives, yet in reality, it's actually costing us both. Still, 'busy' expectations have risen to an all-time high, where it's become the new normal.
The result -if you're not lucky enough to be spending your days fulfilling a purpose that brings you joy and meaning-is a life that's diminished into nothing more than a list of endless (and largely) meaningless to-dos....and doing your best to look really, really busy.
After a few months and a lot of confronting therapy sessions, I began to feel that urge again. The urge to contribute, I missed the feeling of gratification. So I decided to start working again but I chose to do it differently this time. I had time to think about what it is I wanted to contribute. And these past months I'd fallen in love with my inner self for the first time in my life which ensured to make the choice to do less. I got a parttime job where I was replacing someone temporarly (she also had become victim of the so called ; burn-out ) I felt instantly at home, the job was 'simple' without too many responsibilities.. I felt really proud to take this 'downgrade' it helped me through my second fase of getting better.
As months past, I felt better and better, but also really worried about the people around me. Everybody was in such a rush and so busy all the time. Even eating became a chore on their to do list. (and not highly prioritized) Staying late at the office was rewarded. This is where I realized I had to do something. I wanted to share my experiences in rehabilitation that I gained the last few months and how they improved my well being. I knew I could never convince people to change their busy lives, start yoga and eat healthy, all on my own. Many colleagues we're absent due to sickness so I convinced my colleague in HR I could reduce this problem. I started up my yogaclass after office hours, colleagues we're open to it, they quickly noticed it made them more productive and at peace. It became a real success.
Suddenly I've found my passion in life: help others find their inner peace.
I AM ENOUGH. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ENOUGH. I'LL ALWAYS BE ENOUGH.
The Swedes have a busyness-prevention measure baked into their daily routine in the form of a practice called lagom, which means "not too little. Not too much. Just right". This lifestyle of moderation typically extends to the way they work (if you can provide for you and your family with working 3 of 4 days a week, why should you work 5 or 6?) how they dress and what they eat- giving them the opportunity to keep stress, anxiety and many of the other side-effects of living a 'busy' life at arm's length.
Coincidentally, Sweden has earned the reputation as one of the happiest countries in the world, and just based on an educated guess, it's not very difficult to see why.
WHAT'S YOUR PERFECT 'NOTHING'?
On our search to stress relief we try everything. Bathe in lavender, yoga lessons, oils, meditation, crystals. These are all powerful methods, but as long as there are still things in your life that are causing you stress, these methods will not work long term. You will need to take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself why you are struggling to find inner peace? Often destructive thoughts and worrying are holding you back.
What might help you is understanding doing nothing doesn't have to mean zoning out hard enough that you resemble a human-shaped vegetable. I even advice you NOT to.
Also, please don't confuse 'doing nothing' with sitting on your couch, watching TV, binge your favorite netflix show, scrolling through your insta / facebook feed, no no no. Research shows us that these types of 'distraction' (basically, that's all it is) does not help you to relax or, it may just be the cause of your stress.
We are stimulated to do something so much we don't know how to do 'nothing'. We even need these triggers to function, that's why we grab our phones or turn on our TV when we want to have a quiet moment, which is ridiculous. But absolute silence, will drive us completely crazy.. So how does someone find peace? The answer is very simple. You need to figure our what your version of 'doing nothing' is, without losing focus on 'something' so you prevent the anxiety and fear of 'nothing'. You need to step away from your daily routine for a couple of days a month so you can lose yourself in a good book or connect with nature, being active and just do something you love.
HOW TO MAKE MORE TIME FOR NOTHING
Doing nothing sounds easy in theory, but how do you actually make it happen?
Step 1. Stop making excuses you probably heard yourself say: ''meditation and yoga is not for me.'' You are in fact running from reality in fear of standing still for once. You are afraid what might come up in your thoughts, scared of the confrontation of silence. (it is okay to be scared, but don't let it stop you, you probably need it most)
Step 2. Grant it to yourself. Remember you are important, prioritize your needs and never feel guilty about it
Step 3. Discover your version of doing nothing and try to keep an open mind while you're at it
Step 4. Commit to yourself Did you make a promise to yourself to go to a yogaclass soon? Get away for a few days? Try meditation someday? Do it now!